Dearest Aramie,
this is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. You were a nice girl and I really liked you, but it was time for us to part. I could see that you were not going to let me go, so I had to wait for the perfect opportunity and make a run for it.
You almost made it too easy. First, you got tired of Kacey plugging up the sink and filling it with water to play Polly Pocket swimming pool, so you removed the stopper. I tried several times to escape, but the old pipe had a grate in it that kept me from getting too far. After you washed your face & realized that I had escaped, you would freak out & either your dad or brother would fish me out for you. If you will recall, this happened many times. Then, your dad replaced the pipe and the grate was gone! You were dumb enough not to put the stopper back in (as I knew you would be), and so I planned my final escape. That night when you were washing your face I leapt from your eye socket and I was home free! Oh sure, you immediately stopped the water, but it was too late! Then you took the pipes apart, but I wasn't taking any chances this time. This time would be different! I tumbled all the way down the pipe system and into the main sewer line before you had even placed another hysterical call to your dad at work. Now I am on my way to the sea, where I have always wanted to retire. I heard that you have an appointment all the way in Rochester to have a new one made next week. Just think- if you had only been a little more careful, we might have had another 5 years together. Maybe you will remember the hard lesson you learned this week while having to wear a flesh-toned adhesive eye bandage, and take better care of the next one.
Kindest regards,
the eye that got away
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7 comments:
I am sssssssssooooooo sorry about your great loss.
that was so rude of your eye to write you that letter and to plot against you. but it is good to know that you aren't at fault here; that sneaky, plotting eye got what it deserved. i hope it gets lodged in the crevice of the septic system just under Peru Central School.
You're going to be in AZ in a few weeks? I wish we were going to be there too. So sorry about your eye! Give loves to Kacey for us, and Darby when you see her!
First: oh, crap. I'm sorry. Second: You're freakin' hysterical. I hope your Rochester appointment goes smoothly and that you'll get a quick replacement for that rascally eyeball.
By the way... I came on here to find your cabbage roll recipe you posted a while back. They're on the menu this week. I'll let you know how it goes :)
Oh no!!! I feel like such a jerk for laughing as I read this, but you're so funny I couldn't help it. That is one of the things I love so much about you, is your sense of humor at all times, good and bad!
Hey long lost friend, what a crummy eye to do that to you! We are going to be in Blanding, UT, just 6 short hours away from AZ when you are visiting. Kacey would love Blanding during the 4th tons of fun kid stuff, talk you sister into coming and seeing us :)
You are so hilarious! I seriously loved this post and love your sense of humor!
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